inside

I write in my journal so that I don't have to be so specific here. I read to escape from things in my life that I can't typically cope with. I think too much so I don't have to worry about forgetting anything that may potentially be vital to any sort of situation that I might be thrown into.

And yet, I find myself getting more and more caught up in some sort of trap. I see myself setting myself up to get caught in some sort of snare. I don't see how this keeps happening, but it does... Maybe because im not thinking half as hard, or paying that much attention to detail as I once did, but part of me is thinking that maybe Im just tuning everything out. Something inside is changing... Im not sure exactly what's going on.

My jaw just started throbbing. I really hope that it's not a toothache. Especially considering ive been taking care of my teeth since I can remember... I don't like the thought of having some weirdo prod and poke and drill in my mouth. Makes me kinda queezy.

Laundry makes me feel better. Having it, doing it, putting it away. It makes me feel productive. It takes my mind off of stuff. Honestly I never used to hate doing laundry, but doing it myself probably makes me seem crazy for enjoying it. I don't think that's true. It just makes me feel good to know ive done something that needs to be done. Im glad to do it, because I know what to do with everything, and I can do it my way.

I went to a "hard core" show last night. It was pretty freakin' cool. Ive never been to a show like that, and I really enjoy the atmosphere aside from the constant jostle that I got from people slamming into one another. My friend Todd, who's in the band Century, got me in because he's a cool kid and loves me :3 And I love him too. I didn't get to see him play though, because I was retarded and didnt bring my i.d. with me. So Todd hooked me up. The music was very different from what i'm used to. Lots of screaming and lots of heavy guitar parts. Aside from the difference I enjoyed myself. At one point the final band started playing a song by Journey over the sound system. It was hylarious to watch all these little scene kids yell out the lyrics at the guy making the sound checks.

Im trying to get shit together. I know vaguely where I want to go, and to get there is going to be a very big adventure. Im not really good at accepting drastic change, but I know that I can cope. Things have been taking an interesting turn lately, and though it IS different, Im trying to embrace it with open arms.