I wish i could be the everything they were to me. I know now that one person can't be anything more than just one person... They can't really be the world to anyone. It doesn't work that way.
If it worked that way, there would be half the amount of broken hearts, and half the amount of soiled expectations. There would be more smiles, and less tears. There would be more happy people, and less naive fools trusting when they should have been hardening themselves for the inevitable.
I guess I deserve this. Somehow, I definitely deserve this. Yeah...
Get over it you silly, silly little girl.
You think too hard on things that are far, far from your control. The only thing you have a hold of is your own self, and that's all you'll have to hold onto until you die. So, get used to it. It's not as though you haven't been this way before.
But I tell myself these things to try and cover up the sad, painful fact that I'm not looking forward to being alone. The thought of the constant silence.... Not a fan. Not a fan at all. The images that play tricks on my mind... Also not a big fan.
Yeah. The thoughts of what's going to happen in the future... They always turn into sour apples.
Monday, August 31, 2009
nausiated
The thought... Just the THOUGHT... Makes me feel so terrible. I honestly don't know what to do about it. I want to scream to the sky and throw myself to the ground and kick and flail and throw an epic fit... But I can't. I don't typically do that
I'm really not feeling that great. I want to cry... I need a hug.
I feel like everything that I hold dear, that I love, that's important to me is slipping away.
I want some closure... I need to have some sort of anchor that I know will stay with me regardless of what happens. So much of my life has become fluid... I'm never sure about much. Trust has become a big issue with me. I don't know who I can trust and who I'll never be able to... I want that one thing, the trust that I can't seem to find.
Without trust, there is no love.
I need some sort of closure.. I need it, because without that I'm going to doubt everything.
I'm beginning to question everything. Absolutely everything.
I'm really not feeling that great. I want to cry... I need a hug.
I feel like everything that I hold dear, that I love, that's important to me is slipping away.
I want some closure... I need to have some sort of anchor that I know will stay with me regardless of what happens. So much of my life has become fluid... I'm never sure about much. Trust has become a big issue with me. I don't know who I can trust and who I'll never be able to... I want that one thing, the trust that I can't seem to find.
Without trust, there is no love.
I need some sort of closure.. I need it, because without that I'm going to doubt everything.
I'm beginning to question everything. Absolutely everything.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
When
When will I be able to find a place that I fit? I want to fit the way I did before... But like a puzzle piece left in the rain, I've been warped some... I don't quite fit. I want to be how it was. It wasn't even a year ago and I was moderately happy.
Where did it go? Why did it have to go? Why can't I get that back?
I've tried to get it back... Looks like once lost, gone forever.
Where did it go? Why did it have to go? Why can't I get that back?
I've tried to get it back... Looks like once lost, gone forever.
When I'm Skinny
When I'm skinny
They'll all see
They'll see the way
I want to be
To walk on water
to float on air
My bones will show
Oh how they'll stare
The grace, the lithe
of slender form
though layers of cloth
won't keep me warm
The sun will blaze
my skin will freeze
My bones will crack
and weaken my knees
My hair will dull
my eyes grow dim
Beauty is pain
the price of slim
Though darkness looms
Over my head
I cannot rest
Can't sleep in my bed
The pain it rises
takes over me
all for a vain
want to be skinny
They'll all see
They'll see the way
I want to be
To walk on water
to float on air
My bones will show
Oh how they'll stare
The grace, the lithe
of slender form
though layers of cloth
won't keep me warm
The sun will blaze
my skin will freeze
My bones will crack
and weaken my knees
My hair will dull
my eyes grow dim
Beauty is pain
the price of slim
Though darkness looms
Over my head
I cannot rest
Can't sleep in my bed
The pain it rises
takes over me
all for a vain
want to be skinny
Sleep
i don't really do that much anymore. I've had a string of really ridiculous nightmares. Crazy dreams about people I know, and people I think I know, and people who claim to know me so, so well.... It's all collapsing.
Part of me just doesn't care anymore.
To see the world crumble around me at this point seems a relief to happen. I would stand, my piece of earth floating into space, and as the implosion would happen I'd shed only one tear, and that would be one of finally being at peace.
Peace with myself. Peace with those around me. Peace with what's around me...
Solace and solitude. Solitude I've got. Peace... Solace... Not so much.
But at this point I keep thinking to myself, it really.
Really.
REALLY.
Just doesn't matter anymore.
Part of me just doesn't care anymore.
To see the world crumble around me at this point seems a relief to happen. I would stand, my piece of earth floating into space, and as the implosion would happen I'd shed only one tear, and that would be one of finally being at peace.
Peace with myself. Peace with those around me. Peace with what's around me...
Solace and solitude. Solitude I've got. Peace... Solace... Not so much.
But at this point I keep thinking to myself, it really.
Really.
REALLY.
Just doesn't matter anymore.
Cunt
Eye catching. Attention grabbing. Something that makes us go "oh my..." Words do a whole lot of that. They make us think. They say, they mean, they have feeling. All words are, we make them to be. Everything has it's own meaning. The only reason that is, is because at some point we thought to put a feeling and an image with each one. Even this one.
Sometimes people string their words together very carefully. They think about what they say, calculating what it should convey, and they say it. It is what they mean, and they mean what they say.
Others smash words together and hope that it's tangible and legible. It doesn't have to be pretty, or tactful. As long as they say exactly what's on their mind, while the thought is processing. They don't care how many feelings they hurt, or how many boundaries they cross. As long as it's there, it doesn't matter what happens afterward.
I've got a feeling that there just isn't enough to think about and maybe that's why my mind keeps lingering on things they shouldn't be lingering on anymore. As though because my mind is idle, it lingers on hurtful subjects. I don't understand why that really is, but i can say that I do try and ignore it as much as possible without going completely emotionally insane...
Then again, does that even really matter? It's not like I'll be worrying about being a bother anymore. Or even a burden. It's not as though I've got to wait in anticipation anymore. I know now what's up, and that I can calmly back away, turn around, and walk calmly yet painfully in the other direction. As painful as the bullet in my knees makes the walk, that's how it's meant to be I guess.
I find it funny how people keep telling me to wait.
I've never been good with patience.
Sometimes people string their words together very carefully. They think about what they say, calculating what it should convey, and they say it. It is what they mean, and they mean what they say.
Others smash words together and hope that it's tangible and legible. It doesn't have to be pretty, or tactful. As long as they say exactly what's on their mind, while the thought is processing. They don't care how many feelings they hurt, or how many boundaries they cross. As long as it's there, it doesn't matter what happens afterward.
I've got a feeling that there just isn't enough to think about and maybe that's why my mind keeps lingering on things they shouldn't be lingering on anymore. As though because my mind is idle, it lingers on hurtful subjects. I don't understand why that really is, but i can say that I do try and ignore it as much as possible without going completely emotionally insane...
Then again, does that even really matter? It's not like I'll be worrying about being a bother anymore. Or even a burden. It's not as though I've got to wait in anticipation anymore. I know now what's up, and that I can calmly back away, turn around, and walk calmly yet painfully in the other direction. As painful as the bullet in my knees makes the walk, that's how it's meant to be I guess.
I find it funny how people keep telling me to wait.
I've never been good with patience.
Lyrical
When words just aren't enough.... Music speaks to us. It allows us to express ourselves far more thoroughly than we would be able to with just the spoken word...
Sometimes, though, people are able to put words to songs, and that makes it even more personal. These are some of the things that make me the happiest. When I can find a song that not only musically speaks to me, but lyrically as well. Regardless of whether or not it's from a general song or something from a musical.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
GLINDA:(spoken)
Elphaba, why couldn't you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now!
(sung)I hope you're happy how you've hurt your cause forever,
I hope you think you're clever!
ELPHABA: (spoken)
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy, too.
(sung)I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition.
BOTH:(sung)
So though I can't imagine how, I hope you're happy, right now!
GLINDA: (spoken)
Elphie, listen to me! Just, say you're sorry.
(sung)
You can still be with the Wizard, what you've worked and waited for. You can't have all you ever wanted!
ELPHABA: (spoken)
I know.
(sung)
And I don't want it.
(spoken)
No,
(sung)
I can't want it anymore.
Something has changed within me.
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing.
Too late to go back to sleep!
It's time to trust my instincts.
Close my eyes, and leap!
It's time to try defying gravity.
I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down!
GLINDA: (sung)
Can't I make you understand.
You're having delusions of grandeur!
ELPHABA: (sung)
I'm through accepting limits,
'Cuz someone says they're so!
Some things I cannot change,
but 'till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love, I guess I've lost!
Well, if that's love, it comes at much to high a cost!
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye!
I'm defying gravity, and you can't pull me down!
(spoken)
Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do. Together,
(sung)
Unlimited. Together we're unlimited. Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been.
Glinda, things the way we planned 'em.
GLINDA: (sung)
If we work in tandem:
BOTH: (sung)
There's no fight we cannot win.
Just you and I defying gravity!
With you and I, defying gravity,
ELPHABA:(sung)
They'll never bring us down.
(spoken)
Well, are you coming?
GLINDA:(sung)
I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this.
ELPHABA: (spoken)
You too.
(sung)
I hope it brings you bliss,
BOTH: (sung)
I really hope you get it,
And you don't live to regret it!
I hope you're happy in the end!
I hope you're happy, my friend!
ELPHABA: (sung)
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo,
At least I'm flying free.
To those who'd ground me,
Take a message back from me:
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity!
I'm flying high,
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown.
And nobody in, all of Oz.
No Wizard that there is or was.
Is ever gonna bring me down!
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
A phrasing that's a single tear,
Iis harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...
I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...
Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
The nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so
Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
And I need it
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh
And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best...
These are only some sad songs... One of them is a little uplifting. And honestly, it does not matter whether or not they're sad, or happy, or whatever. It makes me feel better knowing that i'm not the only one who's had feelings like these. Or felt as shitty as this. Or have wanted to just...
Yeah.
Sometimes, though, people are able to put words to songs, and that makes it even more personal. These are some of the things that make me the happiest. When I can find a song that not only musically speaks to me, but lyrically as well. Regardless of whether or not it's from a general song or something from a musical.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
GLINDA:(spoken)
Elphaba, why couldn't you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now!
(sung)I hope you're happy how you've hurt your cause forever,
I hope you think you're clever!
ELPHABA: (spoken)
I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy, too.
(sung)I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission to feed your own ambition.
BOTH:(sung)
So though I can't imagine how, I hope you're happy, right now!
GLINDA: (spoken)
Elphie, listen to me! Just, say you're sorry.
(sung)
You can still be with the Wizard, what you've worked and waited for. You can't have all you ever wanted!
ELPHABA: (spoken)
I know.
(sung)
And I don't want it.
(spoken)
No,
(sung)
I can't want it anymore.
Something has changed within me.
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing.
Too late to go back to sleep!
It's time to trust my instincts.
Close my eyes, and leap!
It's time to try defying gravity.
I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down!
GLINDA: (sung)
Can't I make you understand.
You're having delusions of grandeur!
ELPHABA: (sung)
I'm through accepting limits,
'Cuz someone says they're so!
Some things I cannot change,
but 'till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love, I guess I've lost!
Well, if that's love, it comes at much to high a cost!
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye!
I'm defying gravity, and you can't pull me down!
(spoken)
Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do. Together,
(sung)
Unlimited. Together we're unlimited. Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been.
Glinda, things the way we planned 'em.
GLINDA: (sung)
If we work in tandem:
BOTH: (sung)
There's no fight we cannot win.
Just you and I defying gravity!
With you and I, defying gravity,
ELPHABA:(sung)
They'll never bring us down.
(spoken)
Well, are you coming?
GLINDA:(sung)
I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this.
ELPHABA: (spoken)
You too.
(sung)
I hope it brings you bliss,
BOTH: (sung)
I really hope you get it,
And you don't live to regret it!
I hope you're happy in the end!
I hope you're happy, my friend!
ELPHABA: (sung)
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo,
At least I'm flying free.
To those who'd ground me,
Take a message back from me:
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity!
I'm flying high,
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown.
And nobody in, all of Oz.
No Wizard that there is or was.
Is ever gonna bring me down!
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
A phrasing that's a single tear,
Iis harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...
I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...
Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
The nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so
Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
And I need it
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh
And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best...
These are only some sad songs... One of them is a little uplifting. And honestly, it does not matter whether or not they're sad, or happy, or whatever. It makes me feel better knowing that i'm not the only one who's had feelings like these. Or felt as shitty as this. Or have wanted to just...
Yeah.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Wanted:
Is it honestly so bad to want what I can't have? It's human nature, I'd say... Obviously we want what we can't have because it's a thrill to even TRY to reach it... But once you have it, and then you let it go... What do you do? Do you just allow it to slip away, or do you fight for it until you realize after all of the struggle that it was for nothing? I want it to be worth something... I want it back but there's never going to be a resolution... I want it back but there's no chance of it becoming better because it was only changed on one side? There seems to be an endless rope falling into a black hole trying to save a love that can never and probably was never. God... sometimes it's just gnawing through the ropes in the morning to see the text that gets the day started on a good note. Is that honestly too bad? I think maybe so. But what can we say? There's really nothing that can be done on only one side of a two sided argument.
Friday, August 21, 2009
tar baby
the mess that's been made for the longest of times has us stuck. Tarred, you might say, to the spot. making it seemingly incapable to move. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work to get rid of that muck, but after it's gone it feels so much better. Honestly, sometimes it's hopeless. It feels as though there's nothing to do but wait till it's all just passed. We try to get away, but we're stuck to the spot regardless. We're drug back to the same spot by the sticky, disgusting mess. It's nothing that can't be cleaned up, but once one's given up, it's difficult to find motivation.
Sigh
Leave the tar to the street people. They get paid to handle it. It's not your job to play with goo. Let it go, and get moving on the road.
I'm trying to. It gets easier every day.
Sigh
Leave the tar to the street people. They get paid to handle it. It's not your job to play with goo. Let it go, and get moving on the road.
I'm trying to. It gets easier every day.
Monday, August 3, 2009
flowers in the attic
That book honestly reflects how a lot of things work in life. Things happen, we let them fester, things aggrivate and then end up spawning more problems than we can handle later.
Idk. I think petty things should be left alone...
Also, I'd like to announce the end of a time. I want to say goodbye to it, and hope that all are well once it's come to a climax. I'm certain they will be fine, for they have been and will be. Nothing changes. There is one person, then they are gone, then there is another. Why expect that you are any more special than the next one?
That is why I must leave.
Idk. I think petty things should be left alone...
Also, I'd like to announce the end of a time. I want to say goodbye to it, and hope that all are well once it's come to a climax. I'm certain they will be fine, for they have been and will be. Nothing changes. There is one person, then they are gone, then there is another. Why expect that you are any more special than the next one?
That is why I must leave.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
crap
The indecision of before gives way to thoughts of regret. I sit here, pondering if whether or not what I do is what's best for me. I think, what if I had waited? What would have been different if I would have tried a little harder? I could have done better. I'm sure I could have. Something tells me that I just didn't do enough. I've got this feeling that I should have done more.
There is no future, there is no past. That's very true in a way, and maybe I should start living with that from now on instead of punishing myself for thinking of the should have, could have, would haves.... But, instead of actually DOING that, I find myself punishing myself for it... For making a decision that I thought was correct, I delve into the what if's. I question every angle in my head. I'm not a saint. I'm not a perfect person. I make mistakes. I know I do. Every day I'm reminded of one or another that has happened or that I've done... But for once, once in a very long time, I'd like to just close my eyes at night and not regret a decision that I've made that day. That hour. That minute. That second. I feel myself regretting writing. Regretting living here... Regretting working where I do. I find that things are just falling apart at the seams because I'm letting them... I just have no direction as to how to fix any of it. I'm in the dark...
There's been dark like this before, but every time I come here, it seems to get deeper... More sinister. Less hopeful... More hopeless. I'm finding that it's harder and harder to climb out of those dark places we all find ourselves in at one point or another. It's difficult to explain if you haven't been there. That sounds rather... Emo, maybe? But honestly, unless you've been down the road you wouldn't know how to get there.
And yet... There's a part I can't tell
About the dark I know well.
Lol, Broadway references for the win. Spring Awakening.
No good deed goes unpunished, also a good one.
Where will it end... -sigh-
There is no future, there is no past. That's very true in a way, and maybe I should start living with that from now on instead of punishing myself for thinking of the should have, could have, would haves.... But, instead of actually DOING that, I find myself punishing myself for it... For making a decision that I thought was correct, I delve into the what if's. I question every angle in my head. I'm not a saint. I'm not a perfect person. I make mistakes. I know I do. Every day I'm reminded of one or another that has happened or that I've done... But for once, once in a very long time, I'd like to just close my eyes at night and not regret a decision that I've made that day. That hour. That minute. That second. I feel myself regretting writing. Regretting living here... Regretting working where I do. I find that things are just falling apart at the seams because I'm letting them... I just have no direction as to how to fix any of it. I'm in the dark...
There's been dark like this before, but every time I come here, it seems to get deeper... More sinister. Less hopeful... More hopeless. I'm finding that it's harder and harder to climb out of those dark places we all find ourselves in at one point or another. It's difficult to explain if you haven't been there. That sounds rather... Emo, maybe? But honestly, unless you've been down the road you wouldn't know how to get there.
And yet... There's a part I can't tell
About the dark I know well.
Lol, Broadway references for the win. Spring Awakening.
No good deed goes unpunished, also a good one.
Where will it end... -sigh-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)