my patience. my waist line. my eyesight. my mind.
sitting in the silence that's screaming at me in this house is driving me mad. being that i'm 21 now, i've been invited to go out to bars and clubs and such. somehow I find comfort in large crowds anymore. it's as though if there are enough people around, i'm safe, and that nothing can go too wrong without someone noticing. that's not always true, but i love when there's a crowd of people so dense that i could just get lost in them, and forget who i am for a hot minute.
that's probably why i'd like to move to nyc. i've been going there a lot more often, and in going i've noticed that i really appreciate the crowds, the people, the lights, the noises... the din comforts me. life comforts me. the artistic outcry of the city makes me feel not quite so alone. sure, i have a room mate, and sure i've got friends. but, being in that ever flowing, ever moving, never sleeping, always churning rush of people, and sound, and energy, and movement... somehow that little bit of exposure has inspired me to go there and try to live for a while. i want to make something of myself that's more than just a girl in a town where nothing goes right, and heartbreak lingers everywhere, and silence fills every single room I walk into as if it were filled to the top with thick whipped cream... the silence can be deafening at times.
the moon rarely ever sees the sun. but, when it does, it becomes brighter and seems to be more alive. when the moon is without the sun, it tends to look sad, pale, and empty. those times when the two eclipse, their love becomes a blinding spectacle of nature's apocalyptic beauty and grandeur...
Oh, how I wish to eclipse with the sun...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
rainbow bridge
the first time i heard about this, my cat died. she was my only friend, and when she left me it was like a piece of my heart died along with her. my insides curdled, and my whole being froze because she wasn't there for me anymore. then, as stupid as it sounds, my vet found out that she had died, and they sent me a card with this on it.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special
friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water
and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we
remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy
and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special
to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops
and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body
quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green
grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet,
you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy
kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and
you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from
your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
tonight I found two of my rats had died. yes, they were two of 13 that i had, but these ones were my special hairless rats, and of all of them they were the sweetest and most sociable. they will be greatly missed by my friends and of course, by me. though devastated, i know that they're okay. i know that they are happy and that they are well, and that someday i'll be able to hold them and love them again..
that one day when i get to see them when i cross that bridge myself.
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special
friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water
and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we
remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy
and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special
to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops
and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body
quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green
grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet,
you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy
kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and
you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from
your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
tonight I found two of my rats had died. yes, they were two of 13 that i had, but these ones were my special hairless rats, and of all of them they were the sweetest and most sociable. they will be greatly missed by my friends and of course, by me. though devastated, i know that they're okay. i know that they are happy and that they are well, and that someday i'll be able to hold them and love them again..
that one day when i get to see them when i cross that bridge myself.
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
snap draggon
So quick to judge, and to spread hate, and to pass judgment. Would you have been so quick to speak if it had been his body laying lifeless on your bed? His blood on your floor? Or the police to your door to tell you a car had been wrapped around a tree because of a suicide attempt? Do you even know what your own friend is thinking? Claim to be the best friend all you want.
You're the one whom ignored your "best friend". You're the one they didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to about ANYTHING. You were left in the dark. You were left out because you decided to be selfish and ignore them. They had a life, and though you didn't make yourself a grand part of it, they did decide to tell us. They reached out to you, and you turned your ear away and handed them a bottle of vodka. Instead of compassion, or the chance to listen, you instead offered booze and parties. While your friend writhed in his own hell, you choose rather to run off with some uncouth entity of human indecency, while your friend sits at home to fester in his own thoughts...
This is not a bad thing that we, that I have done. They needs this. They've WANTED this. They've said so... And they've said so, SO MANY times before. So how DARE you say we've done something terrible. I can't believe that you'd be so callus as to not look to the good in this. You have no idea what was going on. To think, that you call yourself one thing and to then watch you act the fool that you've become... It's horrifying. To know that you knew nothing of this, and never thought to ASK as opposed to pushing those whom care, and want to help them away? You're just as much to blame as their parents.
Shame on you.
You're the one whom ignored your "best friend". You're the one they didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to about ANYTHING. You were left in the dark. You were left out because you decided to be selfish and ignore them. They had a life, and though you didn't make yourself a grand part of it, they did decide to tell us. They reached out to you, and you turned your ear away and handed them a bottle of vodka. Instead of compassion, or the chance to listen, you instead offered booze and parties. While your friend writhed in his own hell, you choose rather to run off with some uncouth entity of human indecency, while your friend sits at home to fester in his own thoughts...
This is not a bad thing that we, that I have done. They needs this. They've WANTED this. They've said so... And they've said so, SO MANY times before. So how DARE you say we've done something terrible. I can't believe that you'd be so callus as to not look to the good in this. You have no idea what was going on. To think, that you call yourself one thing and to then watch you act the fool that you've become... It's horrifying. To know that you knew nothing of this, and never thought to ASK as opposed to pushing those whom care, and want to help them away? You're just as much to blame as their parents.
Shame on you.
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