Horoscope [6]

Capricorn: You can't find the words to express how much someone means to you, but your actions speak louder. Rest assured, they know.

I hope to all that is good that this is true. I want it more than anything...

Thought

Thoughts. Every day, countless thoughts buzz about in the mind of any given person at any given time. So many subjects, so many worries, so many thoughts of happiness, of sadness... There is so much to think about. Whatever one may be thinking at a given time, it is important to remember not to let those thoughts take over their life.

I have a problem with that. I've allowed a certain thought to permeate my very existence... The thought that maybe, someday, a single person would prove me wrong and tell me that they love me, with no qualms or withholding of any sort of feeling or previous doubt. I have a certain person in mind... One with whom I've loved since the very moment I saw their face. One, for which, I would give my very life if I had to, or if asked. This may seem a bit bizarre, even a little bit taboo for some people. But, needless to say, this is how I feel. It is one thing that I stand by more diligently than anything else. I love this person, and will always love them.

Love, in my opinion, is a very bizarre concept. To fall in love with another person and be willing to give up everything for them, whether it be possessions, loved ones, or even life... To be completely, indubitably and irrefutably in love with a person... I know that feeling. It can be both a gift from the heavens or a curse sent from the depths of the darkest of places, sometimes seemingly only to torture the very soul that one may be willing to give up for the one that they love so very, very much. I know this feeling... I would never give it up for the world, but I would say that the pain that couples with the pleasures of love could be done without. Especially considering Ive seen more from the negative end of such things rather than the positive... But alas, it must be as it is. Life and its follies are but learning experiences... But I want it to be okay again. I want it to be now, when things fall into place.

I am quite impatient.

Extent

Okay, I'm going to give everyone a little tip about helping. Just so that its clear; crystal, completely, absolutely clear. If you are going to help someone, they must actually WANT to be helped. You cannot force someone to accept your help, regardless of how much you do, in fact, want to. You have to allow them to accept your help, and be adamant about the situation at hand. If you extend the hand of assistance, and it is taken but there is some sort of distraction involved, then obviously they are not committed to changing their situation and wish to remain in their current state. If they refuse the hand all together, maybe someday they will wake up and realize that it was a kind gesture, not an act of revulsion. Simply put:

If you try and help someone and its BLATANTLY obvious that they don't want or need your help, know when to step off. Or else you ll drain yourself and end up resenting that situation all together.

Lost and Found

There's a folder that I had... I got it from the adviser lady at my college... And for some reason, I have not been able to find it for the life of me. I have a feeling that once I figure out where I placed my journal, Ill figure out where I stuck the damn folder. I just have no memory whatsoever of where the fuck I happened to put it... -not very happy right now-

Yeah, its nearly 3:30 am on a Monday morning and i cant find my fucking folder.

-not a happy camper-

The Scam

If you're interested in economic policy, then you may want to watch this video:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912

I picked it up off of a friend of mine from England. It's pretty interesting.

Dreams

they said to keep track of them. So I have one with him in it to record. He came here and I kept denying him because I wanted him to be happy. I kissed his cheek, and cuddled him for a while. I wanted him so badly... We were either at his place or a friend of his' place. I could hear his voice, and it sounded so senscear...

Then I had a dream about this rat that kept coming back from everywhere I tried sending it. I dont actually think it WAS a rat, but it was kindof like a rat and a vole.. But I was convinced that it had rabies and that it was going to give rabies to me no matter what. And it kept coming back from wherever I'd throw it or put it or think it was buried. Then all these rats started attacking everyone, and I woke up and started another dream...

That dream basically was that I went swimming with my little sister and my dad, and my dad kept trying to do bad things to me so I'd continually hide from him so that he couldn't do anything to me. THEN these horrible boys tried to beat me up in my dream. My 11th grade chem teacher came to my rescue though... (?) He looks like Richard Gear. ?!

Thats it. Never again will I have anything, no food past 9pm.

Horoscope [5]

Capricorn: A great opportunity will come your way in the next week. Take it if it's best for you, regardless of what you have to get out of to do it.


I'm anxious to see what this particular horoscope means. It'll all unfold with time.

Horoscope [4]

This is actually probably the fifth or sixth horoscope, but I keep numbering them this way anyway.

Capricorn: This day is going to be quite a walk in the park! You'll not only have a blast, but you'll get things done much faster than expected.

This is interesting considering I have many errands to do with my maternal unit today. We're going to transfer my car into my name, so that it will be MY car, not HER car anymore. Good deal, i'd say :D And yes.... I'm anticipating a nice day today. Especially considering... Recent Events... :3

So yeah. I hope to get a lot done today. And fast!

Horoscope [3]

Capricorn: You learned a lot, and you're ready to move on. You always knew this day would come, and now you have grown enough to do it.

They keep getting creepier, and creepier, and creepier....

more horoscopes

Capricorn: A gathering today may not start for the best reasons, but it will end up being quite productive. You'll get a lot resolved.

Passage

Its weird not having blogged in a few days.... Er... Yeah... Horoscope.

Capricorn: It's time to finalize some plans. If you put things off for too long, you won't get to participate in something you've been looking forward to.


I'm not exactly sure what that means but I'm trying to figure it out.

more later, I'm sure.

ironic

Capricorn: You are so tired of hearing about how much money someone has and what they are buying. It's so darn insensitive!

Lately, a certain someone has been telling me about all the new and impressive things that they have been purchasing for themselves. Not to say that I'm not very happy for them...

But I am resentful. It should be me that helps with that. I feel as though I'm being jipped out of my well deserved happiness. Like I've been cheated by fate. I don't quite understand it...
Sometime ill get over it. maybe someday ill actually be able to enjoy it. For now... I can resent the person who's basically ruining everything. I hope someday that they realize what a mistake they're making and have a sort of epiphany. Realize that I'm the right one... But until then I must be contented with the fact that there is plenty out there to discover.

Ive decided that something i want to do on here is to personify poems with pictures. One of my favorite poems that I've memorized (mainly due to a senior year English assignment) is Robert Frost's poem Fire and Ice.

"Some say the world will end in fire
Others say in ice
From what i've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire

But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great, and would suffice."

Ill make a little montage of pictures tomorrow or something after I sleep... Im very sleepy at the moment. I cant tell you why though. Only because i don't know the reason myself, and not because of any... Devious behavior ;D At any rate, i shall to bed. And for the night, good night.

Frustration

Due to stupid mistakes that i made in the past year, Im suffering this year by not being able to do certain things that id like to do this semester. Im frustrated, im not certain what to do, im looking into every option that I can find. I need help. Im starting to feel like im drowning. Im scared that I might not acheieve my goals. I want to so badly.. I hate that ive made such terrible mistakes. I want to do everything that i've dreamed of doing.

I have to stay positive and push forward, regardless of what happenes. I have to do my best to just make it through. I need help to stay afloat...

Compatability

Capricorns will keep you but they will never marry you --- they just think you're cute. (Source: AquarianAge Romance )

For Gemini: Not great. The goat is too ambitious and organized for you. You have totally different priorities in love and in life. ( Source: Love Test )

For Capricorn: Forget it -- the flirtatious, fun-loving Twin will not impress you. To you, Gemini's are irresponsible and unworthy of your dedication. ( Source: Love Test )

Capricorn needs security and Gemini needs freedom. Not a good pairing. Gemini is freewheeling, and adventuresome and Capricorn is conventional, steady, and conservative . Capricorn likes order and routine, Gemini doesn’t. Gemini makes Capricorn feel too insecure to have any kind of lasting relationship. Capricorn is to sober for Gemini. Gemini however, can do a lot for Capricorn’s sensual potential. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

Gemini Man & Capricorn Woman

This is not a good match for you. Capricorn girls can get really hurt by Gemini boys. You have deep emotional needs and you value faithfulness and loyalty very highly. However, the Gemini boy is a huge flirt and he wants his life to be wild in a way that bothers and intimidates you. He will make you jealous, and he’ll even do it on purpose. He can also be pushy in the romance department and his constant demands for more will upset your take-it-slow self. He is looking for an exotic love partner. Meanwhile, you are looking for a true love who you can trust and find long-term happiness with. Neither of you will be happy in this match. (Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide )

Capricorn girl is amused and intrigued by Gemini boy's quick wit and volcano-like flow of ideas. However, to you, he's not the steadiest leg on the table, so this relationship can be a bit of a project for Capricorn girl rather than pure, unadulterated fun. In short: Gemini boy may talk about it, but Capricorn girl is the one that gets it done. (Source: FUNgirl - Astrology )

Gemini is such a charming, sociable and happy person, Capricorn can’t help but feel drawn to their Gemini lover. Where they are quite shy, Gemini is always friendly and never seems to need to look for things to say to people. Therefore, when they’re out together, it feels really good to let Gemini do all their talking for them.

Capricorn will be impressed with the ease in which Gemini gets on with just about anything. They are impressed by Gemini’s knowledge when he or she seems to know a little bit about everything. And they are intrigued by all Gemini’s stories. No matter what his or her age, they seem to have a wide variety of experiences.

And because Capricorns are interested in people, they do love to listen to Gemini’s tales even if they know them to be slightly exaggerated. Gemini is amusing company. Capricorn feels so happy when with their Gemini partner and, as friends, they get on really well together.

Capricorn and Gemini Lovers

But as lovers, there are differences in their needs, their outlook and their general lifestyles and these all might need a bit of working on. Indeed, these differences could need a lot of working on!

For Capricorns are serious about their romances. They are practical and determined. They have high ambitions for themselves and for their lover. So there may be some disappointment when Capricorn realises their Gemini lover would rather live for the moment. Gemini doesn’t really want to look too far into the future.

Gemini doesn’t really want to settle down to a basic routine and Gemini wants to squeeze as much fun and enjoyment into their days as they possibly can. This will frustrate the Capricorn immensely, when they prefer to take a more serious view to life and living.

Now it doesn't matter how patient a Capricorn they might be, they can be forgiven for growing irritated with the Gemini's unwillingness to take anything very seriously. The Gemini is versatile and he or she will thrive on variety of all kinds. But this will oppose the Capricorn’s patient and persistent ways. At the same time Capricorn will realise that there are certain needs in their partner that they could never, in a million years, hope to fulfill.

Capricorn has a lot of common sense and their good judgement is probably telling them that they can't completely trust their Gemini partner. The reason for this is probably because Gemini doesn’t seem to put as much into things as Capricorn does.

Capricorn and Gemini Relationship Summary

Whereas Capricorn is very serious about life in general, their Gemini partner has a very lighthearted attitude. Gemini is outgoing and sociable but Capricorn prefers to quietly enjoy their own company in the comfort of their own home.

Physically, they’re quite compatible in that neither of them will make any unwanted demands on the other. But where Capricorn is down-to-earth, their partner often has their head in the clouds.

Capricorn probably won’t have any trouble bringing them down to earth again but having to do so regularly will get to be quite frustrating.

Horoscope [2]

Capricorn: You are looking hot today! You're not sure what you did differently, but everyone is commenting on it!

Awkward... I haven't done anything to myself... and maybe this will be something that happens later today or tomorrow. These things do go from 2am to 2am the next day, after all...

Directional Hazzard

I feel like im being pulled in seven different directions. My life is coming to a turning point. Regardless of whether or not its a positive or a negative, the decisions are starting to weight down on me. Im in need of some guidance. I need some sort of help. Something tells me that the decisions that i might make will sway the way my life starts to develope from here. Im scared that i might be making the wrong decisions. If they are wrong, then i will chalk them up to a learning experiance and move on, though I will probably still feel guilty for making them. I wish that i didnt have to travel alone on this journey. I feel very, indefineably alone. I know that most people probably feel this way at my age, being that they have no real direction or drive in life to do anything... But I have drive, I just need help being pointed in the right direction.

Ive been listening to a lot of sad music lately. Most of the time, i listen to it and then i cry, and then i find some sort of meaning in my life that has to do with the song. I listen to them over and over and over again, memorizing the lyrics and trying to place the song, regardless of its emotional value, into my memories and try and link them with an event or something thats happened or that i wanted or wished to happen.

Im excited for the future, but that excitement is also accompanied by lots of questions. Im fearful of change that is too great, especially when i have to go through it by myself. Im scared of making a mistake and then being stuck wherever I might be with no way to get back to my safe haven. Im just at a crossroads right now. I need some support.

horoscope

My horoscope for today:

Capricorn: You've thought about something time and time again, and you've finally come to realize it was all for the best.

They always make me wonder. Its like they're reading my mind or something. Its quite freaky. Any comments?

The Walls are Breathing

I have a tendency, when I feel threatened or left out, to remove myself from a situation. Regardless of whether it's social or whatever, if i feel like i dont belong there, i get the hell out of dodge. Ive found myself not necessarily doing that so often as just being very passive towards it. Sometimes when i feel a little overwhelmed i just excuse myself from a situation for a while and then return, in hopes that maybe it may have gotten a degree or two cheerier.
I also have a tendency to offset a topic of conversation by asking alternative questions. When asked about myself i do my best to ask questions about anything but myself, and if somehow something comes out that does happen to reveal anything, i attempt to sidestep it at all possible costs. Quirky, not so much.

We'll be friends forever.

Having people over to my house for a visit is not a big deal to me, mostly because I enjoy the company and then another reason being that I'd prefer a full house to an empty one. I enjoy a small crowd of people who I know and love dearly. I enjoy the feeling of happiness that being around people that I know and love brings me. When I'm by myself, I have a tendency to wander into my own thoughts much too far, and every once in a while I get lost there... More often than not, I don't really enjoy what I formulate there. Being surrounded by happy things and happy people, getting hugs, having fun... Its one of the things that I really enjoy about being alive. Without that contact, without that reassurance that there is still light in this life, Id probably disappear into myself. I don't ever want that to happen. I want to continue to be myself, and create, and do, and love, and give, and want. I love all of my friends, and my family, regardless of whether or not I show it as openly as they'd like.
I really do have a good feeling about this coming year.

Blazing Trails

I've decided that I want to become a fashion designer. I want to put a new name and face on the clothing industry. I don't want to JUST make clothes. I want to make clothes that express a generation's frustration. I want to start a trend. (yeah i know that'll be a lot more difficult than just saying it... but whats the point in anything if its not worth trying, right?) Ive decided that I want to start a magazine as well. Something that's a tie between Juxtaposed's zeen and Nylon. Maybe a lil bit of Cosmo in there too. All made out of recycled paper. It'll be a smash. Im going to make something that everyone can enjoy. Its going to be sensational. :3

At any rate... Im learning slowly that its time to start new things. To leave everything thats holding me back and just start fresh. I need a new project. I want ideas. I want to be inspired again. I need a muse. Ive already got one... But i want more. I want to be inspired every day by new things. I want to go outside and look into the street and find something worth writing about. I want to see things in a different light. I want to be seen in a different light.

Theres so much i want to accomplish. Theres so much to be done. Im very excited to be starting anew.

Indigestion

Sitting in my stuffy room, my stomach starts to grumble. I'm not exactly sure what's the cause of the noise.. It's accompanied by a dull ache. I'm not really sure whether or not it's hunger, anxiety, or the pills that I've been taking recently. Regardless of whichever it might be, it hurts. I hate when my stomach acts up... Every few minutes, I hear this "gluuuuuubrrrrrrarrrrrl" in my guts. I'm almost positive that the cause is a combination of those that I've mentioned... I haven't felt well all day. Partially because I'm thinking way too hard on some things that probably would be best left alone. I just can't help but think about them. They're constant, nagging thoughts at the back of my mind. "what if" this and "what if" that. It's nerve wracking.

I wish that I could sleep better. Maybe if I slept more soundly, and diden't have so many dreams, then I'd not think quite so hard on so much during the day. Or, maybe that's just me trying to rationalize why i'm thinking so hard on such mundane things.

Generation Gap

Something that irritates me is the process of old thinking that happens with most adults over the age of 30. For some reason, they're stuck in the mindset of "negative, negative, negative." If there's something that they feel very strongly about, anything opposing it is seen as false, trite, or even evil in their eyes. It's frustrating to me, as a moderately liberal thinker and an open minded individual. I'm not capable of having a decent conversation with someone who's of this mindset without getting into a heated argument where at some point the other party just ends up getting pissed off! I don't even understand how it can be such a one way street with some people. So black and white that any sort of gray is unthinkable. What a time we live in...

Election '08

Today (or rather, in 6 and a half hours) it's time for voting! I'm stoked.. I'm so ready for a change in this screwed up mess of a country that I live in. Sometimes I think to myself, how much more of a difference would it have made if Al Gore had actually become our president? What would have been changed? What kind of problems would we have faced had we had a Democrat for our president instead of a Republican? The last president that I /remember/ being in office was Bill Clinton. I remember seeing him on Nickalodian so often, and I remember really enjoying what he had to say, even though I was really young. I think that Obama's going to give us something to look forward to. With McCaine... I'm not so sure. I don't really enjoy the fact that both have a 1/7 chance of dieing in office... One probably more likely than the other, considering the one's black and the other's just really freakin' old... But regardless, I'm just ready for some sort of give in this mess. I want to be able to go out and not hear about a million people losing their jobs. I want to be able to be certain that my children (if I have any) will be able to breathe clean air and drink clean water, and not worry that when they grow old that they'll have to pay a shit-ton of money for health care and benefits. I've got a lot on my mind....

I want there to be equality. I want there to be tollerance. I want there to be change. I think that lots of things can be changed, and for the better. I just hope, regardless of who wins, that all of the change is for the better.

Peace and Love

Orientation

I recently registered for a list-making website called listography.com. 's pretty much an amazing website. The name is pretty self explanatory, but I'll give you a run down. You go there, and you can make lists. It's pretty much one of my favorite things to do anymore. I freakin' LOVE this website. I think, off the top of my head, I've made three lists so far. I'm starting to think of more and more lists that I could possibly make to put on my page.
I'm probably going to make a picture blog like i promised over a year ago very soon. I'm really busy trying to get my school situations back into line. I'm having trouble dealing with the more than irritating registration process due to a recent wrench in my proverbial engine... but that's alright, becuase i'll figure it out soonly! :D Anyway, i'll probably head off for now.

ta!