Elisa - Dancing

Reminds me of you. Reminds me of how i feel about you. Makes me feel so strongly… The memories flood back in waves, and i welcome it. I welcome it and relish the happy feelings that accompany them. I want you to understand how I feel. I want you to listen to me, and think of me, before I’m gone… I miss you more than you can even imagine. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve stopped thinking about you. This isn’t just something that I can sweep under a rug. It’s real. It’s alive, burning and writhing inside of my soul… My heart aches for you. My mind yearns for your thoughts, your words, your feelings… There is no amount of time left for fixing anything, I know that now. These words would fall upon deaf ears. But my feelings are left unwavering. I have forgiven all that has happened and wished for a new beginning… Though I know that will never come to pass, I will be able to carry myself on the happy memories until something comes along that can distract me into an amnesic state of mind, to forget all that was before and to leave behind old baggage for that which my thoughts will then flourish upon. I’ve grown as a person, and my will is stronger. I need truth, love, life, and happiness to continue to grow and to succeed. I wish it were you to stand beside me and share in the fruits of my successes, and hold my hand in the face of danger, sadness, and strife. To lie with me and speak of dreams and ideas, and to plan for what is to come. To hold me during the rough patches and let me take care of you through all of your troubles. Unfortunately, you’ve decided that you’d rather content yourself with new conquests. I cannot blame you, for it is only human to seek and learn, and to develop new connections, be those biblical, metaphorical, or literal. I pray that you do not forget me entirely, and that someday you will seek me out for some sort of companionship. Until then, though, I know where I am not needed or wanted, and I shall do my best to leave it alone. Though I could scream over and over, “I fucking love you! I would do ANYTHING for you! You complete me in a way I’ve never had before and never will again!” that wouldn’t honestly make a difference unless you felt something for me, too. You say things to me that beguile my fragile thought process and take your words as genuine feelings that you wish to carry out. But you never call. You never text me. You never write me notes. I get nothing, aside from “I wanna be close again, like we used to be. Like I wish we had been all along. I made a mistake, I’m not over you, I wanna be with you…” And the list of things goes on, and on, and on, and on. How I long to feel your arms around me and your lips on mine. To hear you speaking into my ear softly as we hug. Your hugs… Oh, how I miss you… I can only handle so much pressure before I finally snap. It’s taking everything in me not to step in and say “what’s wrong with you? I’m BETTER than they are! They’re MEANINGLESS compared to me! They’re merely a fraction of what I have to give you…” Am I a coward? Maybe. Am I stubborn? Probably. I’m selfish but care enough about what you think to not ruin your happiness, even at the sake of my own.

fml