thinner

my patience. my waist line. my eyesight. my mind.

sitting in the silence that's screaming at me in this house is driving me mad. being that i'm 21 now, i've been invited to go out to bars and clubs and such. somehow I find comfort in large crowds anymore. it's as though if there are enough people around, i'm safe, and that nothing can go too wrong without someone noticing. that's not always true, but i love when there's a crowd of people so dense that i could just get lost in them, and forget who i am for a hot minute.


that's probably why i'd like to move to nyc. i've been going there a lot more often, and in going i've noticed that i really appreciate the crowds, the people, the lights, the noises... the din comforts me. life comforts me. the artistic outcry of the city makes me feel not quite so alone. sure, i have a room mate, and sure i've got friends. but, being in that ever flowing, ever moving, never sleeping, always churning rush of people, and sound, and energy, and movement... somehow that little bit of exposure has inspired me to go there and try to live for a while. i want to make something of myself that's more than just a girl in a town where nothing goes right, and heartbreak lingers everywhere, and silence fills every single room I walk into as if it were filled to the top with thick whipped cream... the silence can be deafening at times.

the moon rarely ever sees the sun. but, when it does, it becomes brighter and seems to be more alive. when the moon is without the sun, it tends to look sad, pale, and empty. those times when the two eclipse, their love becomes a blinding spectacle of nature's apocalyptic beauty and grandeur...

Oh, how I wish to eclipse with the sun...